When Traveling with a Date

Dear Dr. Reece
When you're traveling with a date, what's your one tip to avoid it becoming a disaster?
Thanks,
Mike

Dear Mike,

Another travel question so I thought it appropriate today since I'm in Vegas.  There isn't one tip.  There is two.  First one, planning.  You've got to be ready to be face those little challenges of dinner in the room or on the oceanfront.  Or, that trek to see Renoir versus the side trip to the National Park.  If you don't plan a bit you'll eventually have some hurt feelings because it will appear that you are always doing what the other person wants to do.  That won't be true, but it'll feel like it.   Plan, plan, plan.

Number Two, so to speak is personal privacy moments.  Yes, even when you are head over heels in love.  There has got to be some alone time, even if it's just a quick walk, a shower or a few moments at the diner.  Having a little alone time will allow you appreciate all of the good stuff going on, evaluate the thing not going right, and finally just to check in with yourself.  Everyone needs processing time to fully appreciate a date trip.

Dr. Reece

Ask Dr. Reece is the advice column from "American's Favorite Online Pastoral Counselor", Dr. Reece W. Manley, DD, M.Ed., MPM, CSTF-M.  He can be reached for private counseling via http://www.pridecoach.net

Ask Dr. Reece - Who Dropped the Soap

Dear Dr. Reece:
I have a new BF who likes to get ready in the morning in the same shower and bathroom.  He just does "everything" with me right there in the bathroom.  I'm not a prude but I like my space.  I mean, I feel like I'm in a prison movie!
Duane R..

Dear Duane:


Ah, boundaries!  How we miss them once we let them get away.  You've given away your personal space and the rights to your personal space and now your mind is wanting to get that back.  I can't blame it.  I'd want to skip the prison toilet scene, too.


Chances are your BF just assumes this is the way things are done because he has had some past where it was the norm.  You have to tell him there is a new "norm" around here!  Break it to him gently and plan to get up early so he can have the time he is used to to get ready.


Also, if you are romantic in these times, explain it is not a rejection of romance but that you simply need your space in the morning.   Remember, boundaries are our friends!


Best,
Dr. Reece

Dr. Reece Manley, America's Favorite Online Pastoral Counseling and GLBT Spirituality Expert can be found at http://www.pridecoach.net.

Ask Dr. Reece - Simple Self Esteem

Dear Dr. Reece,
I'm trying to help my boyfriend develop some self esteem.  He's just entered recovery and feels horrible about himself even when I tell him he's wonderful.  Any ideas?
Dumpy in Detroit

Dear Dumpy:


You are very admirable for wanting to help your partner who is recovery.  It will take a while, but he'll eventually feel better.  You might help him do affirmations.  They sound kooky, I know.  But affirmation  (for reasons that are scientific but take a while to explain so I won't bother) do work.  They just need to have these components.


Working affirmations must include:
A specific positive statement.  "I am worth a raise v. I am a good person."  Both are true, however, only one addresses the specific issue.
It must be in front of a mirror, looking at yourself in the eye.
Must be said at least ten times to be effective.
Say it in a calm, serious manner.
If you catch a stray thought saying "Thiu is stupid" or "no one believes in me" then address the thought with "That is wrong" and then go back to the affirmation.


I hope this helps, you can find a diagram of affirmations at work below and visit us at www.gaylifecoach.info,


Dr. Reece Manley

Ask Dr. Reece is a service of Reece Manley, DD, M.Ed., MPM.  It is not intended to diagnose or treat a specific mental health issue.  Please seek qualified help or call 911 for emergencies.