Ask Dr. Reece - Coming Out to Nephews

Dear Dr. Reece,
My nephews are about to be teenagers.  I'm wondering how to come out to them.  They already use "that's so gay", even though my brother is quick to correct them.  How do I tell them?  What will it mean to them?
Calo

Dear Calo,


First off, great name!


Coming out to your nephews is going to be an incredibly challenging experience, especially if you and they are close.  Get ready for a bumpy ride.  But, it's going to be worth it and, in the end, strengthen your bond.


You mention your brother and he and his wife are going to have to be on board with when and how you are going to come out.  Some choose to make it a natural progression.  Some have a sit down and talk it out time.  You need to ask your brother which way he wants to handle it.  If his first reaction is "Oh hell no" you will need to give him some time.  But, he will come around, it sounds like, to recognizing how important this is.


With kiddos, it's best NOT to go for the shock value. Don't show up with your boyfriend and start making out in front of the kids.l  DO ask your special other out to family events and include him (or her) slowly, enfolding into the normalcy of the family.


You need to take very good care of yourself because you will be very vulnerable to how your nephews respond.  You may get a "cool, now give me my turn on the game!" or you may get a "you're so gross!".  How you continue the coming out will be picked up in clues with the kids actions.


Unlike the adult world, where we are often indifferent to whether or not someone approves of us as being GLBT, this is family and it is very important to us.  If I were you, I'd seek out someone like me who specializes in coming out in their therapy style or set of life coaching skills.  Then take the details of your plans for coming out to your nephs up with your brother.  Once you and he are on the same page, carry it out.  But don't back down until you get through. The relationship is just to precious.


Love and light,


Dr. Reece


Dr. Reece W Manley, DD, M.Ed., MPM is a registered and licensed professional pastoral counselor reaching clients around the globe via Skype, phone and email.  He may be reached at http://www.gaylifecoach.info .  If you have a question please use the Ask Dr. Reece form below or email to reece@manley.net