Ask Dr. Reece - Anger Early in Relationships

Dear Dr. Reece,
I just started dating a guy who is great - he's funny and romantic.  The only thing is he gets angry easy like in trafic (sic) or when talking to others on the phone.  He hasn't gotten mad at me about anything, but it's a little scary.
Withheld

Dear Withheld:
Anger is one of the things that should send warning signs and red flags to anyone.  The best approach is out and out honesty and see what happens.


Pick a public place, just out to dinner or lunch.  If he drinks, try to avoid alcohol.  It's best to be sober and focused in serious discussions.  


Explain to him you are enjoying getting to know him.  However, you've noticed something that makes you nervous.  Give him examples of the behavior and ask him straight out that you are concerned about the behavior.  Then give him the floor.


If he doesn't give you good reasons or if he doesn't articulate or acknowledge the anger, you may want to pass on the relationship.  People with anger issues can quickly become people with physical violence.  If he doesn't offer it, ask him about physical violence and anger.


The main reason you need to do is take good care of yourself.  If you ever become involved with a person who does not talk about their anger you are running a risk of making yourself a target of anger.  Anger can become violence.  And, you certainly don't want to go there.


So, public place, direct concerns and examples and see how the answers "feel" to you.


Good luck!
Dr. Reece


Ask Dr Reece can be found on Queerbook or by writing Reece@Manley.net.

Dr. Reece W. Manley, DD, M.Ed., MPM, is a professional pastoral counselor, author and speaker about glbt spirituality and progressive glbt Christianity.  He is also a life coach, therapist and coming out expert.  He can be reached at http://www.gaylifecoach.info.