Ask Dr. Reece - When to Do It? First, Second or 81st date?

Dear Dr. Reece,
I'm just starting to get back in the dating pool and I am in my late 30's.  I'd been with my Ex for 10 years and now she is gone.  I know I want to date again, but I don't know about physical intimacy.  I just don't feel ready but I know gals like to lollipop pretty soon!
Sheila

Dear Sheila:


We all have different needs as we enter dating.  Chances are very good that someone who has the same needs you have is facing the same dilemma.  The solution?  Communication.  Communication and a plan!


Try this little exercise.  Write yourself out the scene of your first intimate encounter with your dating partner.  Be detailed. Candles, mood lighting, soft music - whatever would be ideal for you.  Now, what feelings are you having about this scene with your dating partner?  Anxiety? It's too soon.  Fear?  Of what? Excitement? You go girl. Confusion.  Wait it out.


In addition, you might want to talk to someone who specializes in lesbian women's issues.  I recommend Coach Sappho.  Her real name is Barb Elgin and she is the best I know.


Good luck and keep it closed as long as you want!


Best wishes,
Dr. Reece